It's that time of year again. Time to do stuff we don't want to do, in the name of other people's happiness. Emotions are running high.
Let's ride the crest of that emotional wave with a look at some of the most touching Christmas movie monologues of all time.
It's a Wonderful Life
George Bailey is a champion of the little guy. He believes in fairness, justice and compassion. In people. He's the Christmas spirit personified.
Henry Potter, on the other hand. He'd happily take the candy from your baby.
Just remember this Mr Potter. That this rabble you're talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him but to you, a warped frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book, he died a much richer man than you'll ever be.
Meet Me in St. Louis
In the scene that gave us 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas', poor Tootie is anything but merry.
Distraught at swapping St. Louis for the Big Apple, she takes a stick to her beloved snowpeople and bludgeons them to death.
Nobody's gonna have them, not if we're going to New York. I'd rather kill them if we can't take them with us... Tootie darling don't cry. It's alright, don't cry, you can build other snow people in New York... No you can't. You can't do anything like you do in St Louis.
A Christmas feeling all parents can relate to. Grown-up children swooping back into the nest to wreak noisy havoc.
If only an adorable, improvised declaration of love was the noise they brought with them.
A song? Uh, yeah. Anything for you dad. I-I-I-I'm here, with my dad, and we've never met, and he wants me to sing him a song, and uhm, I was adopted, but you didn't know I was born, so I'm here now, I found you, Daddy, and – guess what? – I love you, I love you, I lo-o-O-VE YOU!
Did you know a third of all marriage proposals in the US happen between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day? All that chocolate* must bring out our romantic side.
And a tiny thing like the Portuguese language has no right to stop that.
Beautiful Aurelia, I've come here with a view to asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person because I hardly knows you but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England. Of course I don't expecting you to be as foolish as me, and of course I prediction you say 'no', but it's Christmas and I just wanted to... check.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Technically a Thanksgiving movie. But here's a Christmas scenario we've all endured. Family driving you nuts? Can't stand it any longer?
Cool your jets. Chill. It's Christmas. Put up, shut up, and take deep breaths**.
You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you. But I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.
**glugs of eggnog
The Polar Express
Christmas hasn't been kind to Billy. He doesn't believe in Santa and doesn't want to meet him. Sounds like he could use a couple of good friends.
Friends don't come much nicer than these two. Bless their little cotton pyjamas.
Look, I don't know whether Christmas is gonna work out for you or not. But this is Christmas Eve, don't stay here by yourself… Yes come with us. We'll go together.
Your anti-Christmas sentiment has crossed a line when your mum throws the Scrooge slur at you. He's the ultimate mistlethrope©.
When this miserly old crone (not you mum) gets swept up in festive cheer, something truly magical happens.
You have to do something. You have to take a chance. You do have to get involved. There are people that are having trouble making their miracle happen. There are people that don't have enough to eat. There are people that are cold. You can go out and say hello to these people, and take an old blanket out of the closet and say, 'Here'. You can make them a sandwich and say, 'Oh by the way, here.' I get it now.
When we get old man Marley's backstory, it's a wonderful moment. He's not scary, he's scared. And alone.
If anybody can convince him to get back in touch with his son and make amends, it's Kevin McCallister.
I was afraid of our basement. It's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. That sort of thing. It's bothered me for years. Basements are like that. I made myself go down to do some laundry… and I found out it's not so bad. I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
Merry Christmas y'all.